It has been over a month since I last logged on to this site. I have gone through so many changes, mentally and emotionally in that time. I thought for a moment I would never even log on again. Today I feel like sharing a bit…and so I shall share.
I am changing…I have changed. I have been forced to change I guess. I woke up one morning and realized that I have lived for someone else my entire life (there have been different people at different times; not just one particular person). There is no me! If there is a me I don’t know who she is. I am not going on a quest to find myself…I don’t really think I want to be found. I do however, think that I want to dumb down my life. I want to dumb it down in all areas. From the prestigious schools my children attend, to the extravagance of this 5 bedroom 3300 sq ft home, to the hustle and bustle of getting my kids to and fro, to the constant running of my mind. I want solitude… I want peace.
It is frustrating because no matter where I go there is an inner drive inside of me that wants to strive for the best. I want that drive to turn off! I want it off until I decide to turn it on again. As of 3 days ago, I am now 34. What if I die tomorrow? Is this how I want my life to be remembered? That she was always busy…always doing….always…always…always. That is me the fixer! I don’t want to try and fix anything anymore! I honestly would love if someone tended to my needs just as much I as tend to theirs. But that quest is now over. I am hanging that up to dry…..
What’s next, you ask? I begin my search. I am searching for just the right amount of solitude for me and my babies. Just the right amount of frequency so I can tap in when I want to and turn off when I want to. I’ll share my journey…although I don’t know if it will be interesting. I am on a mission to dumb this life down. This is my heart…July 6-2013.
I have recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis! Yeah that was my reaction too! What the heck is that lol! Basically my body is producing antibodies that are killing off my thyroid gland! My body is at war with itself! 😣
I don’t know of anyone in my family with this disease, although they say it’s hereditary.
There are many symptoms…I’m still learning about it. Stay tuned for more posts as I learn. Here’s how I knew something was wrong:
•My throat was burning and I felt as though something was stuck in there. It was very painful to swallow.
• My hair started falling out in clumps! I am almost bald around my hairline (the area where my hair is thinnest).
• I am MORE fatigue and MORE irritated than usual! Ha! Imagine that!😃
So there it is, a visual on what I’ve been struggling with. Hashimoto’s is not life threatening but it really does something to a lady’s self esteem when your hair is falling out in clumps. Also I have 6 kids…I don’t need anymore fatigue! I thank God for all He’s done…stay tuned😉
Here’s where I am completely bald on both sides of my hairline. Yes there was thick, healthy hair there before. I’m afraid I’ll be looking like Lebron James pretty soon!
I’m not into cooking…or health food to be honest. But with my husband’s depression, and my thyroid issues (will blog about that later) I’m learning that we are going to have to eat better. I’ve also learned that his (my hubby’s) food affects his mood!
With that said I created this recipe. I don’t know the calories or whatever else we are supposed to count. I just know it’s fresh, it’s easy, and it’s a lot better than McDonalds! My kids and hubby loved it!!! There are 8 of us so I used 2lbs of meat (1lb of ground beef and 1lb of ground turkey mixed). We’re not ready for just turkey yet…but we’re getting there!
So here it is…I call it Ensalada Contenta
1 lb of ground beef or turkey
1 can of refried beans
1 bag of shredded cheese
Fresh lettuce cut up (or buy a bag of salad)
2 Avocados (chopped or smashed)
Pico de gallo salsa (cut up tomatoes, onion, cilantro- you can find it in the fresh vegetable section or you can make your own)
1 can of stewed tomatoes
1 pack of low sodium taco seasoning
First cook the ground beef/turkey on stovetop and drain. Return it to the pan and add refried beans on medium heat. Stir continuously and add 1/3 to 1/2 the can of stewed tomatoes. **you don’t want it to be too runny.*** then add taco seasoning packet and continue to stir until warmed throughout.
Place lettuce on the plate, add meat/bean mixture, top with cheese, pico de gallo and chopped avocados!
Look in the mirror, what do you see? Now how about spiritually? What is spiritually reflecting off of you? Just like we look in the mirror each morning to make sure our appearance is ok; we should also check our spiritual reflections.
Are we disregarding God’s Word? His will? If we are disregarding God’s will and living life how we want, we are bad representations of Christ. If we are constantly succumbing to sin and our fruits are messed up that is a reflection of our poor choices. When we represent God but continue in worldly choices we make a false representation. A non believer may not understand why we are constantly struggling and mistakenly think God has left us.
The Bible states in Romans 8:28 all things work together for our good…but that is not the whole verse! The remainder states for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. “If you love me then what?……keep my commandments!” If we’re not keeping His commandments we don’t love Him. I didn’t say that the Bible did! If you are called according to His purpose than you will do His will! Bottom line: Don’t false advertise our Lord. If you’re going to walk in flesh keep Him out of it.
I’ve been reading a blog by a guy named Derrick Miller, who wrote about his trip in and out of Christianity and, finally, to atheism.
It’s pretty interesting reading, and Derrick makes some good points about some of the challenges of being a Christian. Among them, he notes:
• The difficulty of reading and comprehending some parts of the Bible;
• The challenge of living the kind of life he thought would be pleasing to God;
• Coming to some sort of conclusion about the purpose of the universe; and
• Understanding why there are so many Christian denominations (more than 50 in Canada alone).
I am trying to become more intentional in many areas of my life. Intentional in my blog postings, as well as how I parent my children and love my husband. So seeming how my blog is undergoing renovations; I am trying something new. Ten-Minute Tuesdays where I intentionally show some extra love to someone. I will share the ideas that God puts on my heart.
This Tuesday I had about 10 minutes of alone time with my older two girls. We went to Scooters Coffee shop and had frozen yogurt. I let them pile on as much junk as they wanted. Thankfully that didn’t turn out to be much.
Later my one-year old was able to get a bath all by herself. So we enjoyed 10 minutes of bath time, just her and mommy. Taking a bath alone is a rarity in this house
Ten minutes of yogurt fun with my older two girls Cyrita and Cyriah.
Ten minutes of bath time solitude with just mommy and baby girl Cyniah.